An age-old question

Why do men spend so long in the bathroom?  I know this is a question pondered by wives across the world, but seriously…what is UP with that? And why does this always happen at the most “convenient” times for them?  Rarely is Snoop struck by stomach cramps that cause him to miss half of a football game.  And I’ve never seen him unfortunately holed up in the bathroom during a UFC fight.  Or when dinner is served.  Noooo.  These “problems” seem to arise at times like…bedtime.  Bathtime.  Clean the room time.  Etcetera and on and on…  Now, I’m certainly not accusing him of lying about having to go…there is evidence to support his claims wafting out from under the door.  I am, however, accusing him men of hiding in there.  Because there is no way that it should regularly take you over a half hour to take a shit.  No way, no how.  Now, perhaps if you had some sort of viral infection or had eaten a raw chicken breast I’d be more forgiving.  But given the frequency of these visits to the bathroom (frequently with cell phone and laptop in tow) I’m calling you out.  You can either confess now, or be forced to go to the doctor with your wife who will tell every detail of your apparent difficulty voiding your bowels and risk a visit from the dreaded scope and a horribly bland high-fiber diet.


P.S.  I just want to say that I know hiding in bathrooms happens, because I’ve done it.  When I was pregnant with Drama, I went grocery shopping and bought the most amazing looking fudge from a bake sale.  When I got home, I feigned stomach problems and hid in the bathroom to inhale my fudge because I knew neither my husband or greedy little one year old would dare come in there.  So I totally get it.

But I’m still calling you out.


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