Dear Bret Michaels,

Please stop sucking women’s faces off.  It’s gross, OK?  I’ve put up with this human vacuum action for 3 seasons of Rock of Love now, and it seems to be getting worse and worse each season.  As if it’s not bad enough to listen to you talk about “feeling it in your soul” and watch you “connect” with women faster than I brush my teeth.  I started watching your show because I was truly a fan.  Back in the day, I supported your love of eyeliner and addiction to Aquanet.  I defended your tight pleather pants as artistic expression and when you sang “Every Rose has its Thorn” my belief that you were a true romantic was proven true.  When you showed up again…as a has-been, extension-wearing fool in a cowboy hat, I again defended you.  I can no longer do this.  You tease me with the possibility of being a real man by (eventually) dismissing the women who keep the silicone industry in business.  You make me think that maybe, just maybe, there’s a decent man inside those weird muscle shirts and sparkly jackets.   You almost choose a semi-normal woman as your “rock of love.” (whiny and full of mood swings, but given the competition….) But then…after way too many rounds with the human vacuum, you choose the girl with the immobile forehead.  The one whose visits to the doctor for Botox injections can only be rivaled by her visits to the Penthouse studios.  It’s ridiculous. I’m not sure what weight I pull in your decisions, but I’m sure I can’t be the only one who is sick and tired of watching you stick those damn lips out, slowly insert your tongue into more mouths than I ever care to be around, and suck the life out of these attention seeking whores.  

Rock on,



P.S…I love this commercial.  You should do something more like this…


One Response

  1. I love that commerical too! It’s so freakin’ cute!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: