If I were queen…

When I rule the world there will be very different rules from what we have now.  Aside from the obvious…such as House Hunters being available at all hours of the day and Adam Levine being my personal sex slave….I propose the following laws.  Violation of these rules will be subject to penalty based upon my own personal mood.  And based on the past 48 hours…you do NOT want to break these rules.  Punishable offenses include (but are not limited to)…

  • You canNOT advertise things as being available off of exits from a highway if they are not within a certain distance.,..I’m saying .3 miles.  Snoop and I had a mad craving for some Wawa sandwiches last night that lead us on a (very unsuccessful) 20 minute detour.  Road trips are brutal at times, and you just can’t go advertising crispy snack wraps (a la McD’s) or made to order subs (as was our weakness) if they are not immediately available.
  • Furthermore…if said advertised oasis is no longer in business (as I’m quite sure our Wawa was not), the teasing sign must be amended within 10 hours. 
  • Television stations may NOT advertise food services/restaurants that are not available in their local broadcasting area.  I’ve been taunted by the Jack In the Box ads too many times, people…
  • Olympic programming will not be broadcast later than midnight on weekdays.  I haven’t slept with my husband in over a week…thankyouverymuch  NBC.
  • Individuals caught parking their shopping carts in/on grass islands and/or other non-parking areas of parking lots are punishable by death.  Is it really that difficult to push your cart the additional 15 feet tot he designated cart corral?
  • Pronouncing an “x” in the past tense of the word “ask.” “Axing” is something that is done to a murder victem.  Directions are “asKed.”  Favors are “asKed.” Got it????

Seriously…I could go on and on.  But seeing as how I have no kiddos (they’re at my parents…another post to follow about how I’m not  taking advantage of that…) and I’ve had entirely too much wine…I need to go to bed.


2 Responses

  1. +1 on EVERYTHING on that list. mmmmmmmm WAWA! It was worth the wait and wild goose chase. 😉

  2. i think i would let you be queen, but i would have some things to add to your rule list. for example: men would not be allowed to wear skinny jeans. ever. i hate them. never cool gentlemen.

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