Peruse with me…

Boog woke up complaining of not feeling well, and I actually think he’s telling the truth. So while Snoop got Drama ready for her day, I ran into work to pick up a bunch of stuff to work on at home. I was completely motivated to get started on work when I returned…Boog was still sleeping and my coffee was working it’s magic on my brain. On my way to the living room, laptop in tow, something distracted me. This takes a much higher priority than writing reports and treatment plans.

Ahhhhhhh…the latest edition of my 2nd favorite magazine (People being my first). I didn’t know it came yesterday, and I think it’s against the law (the ones I’ve created for myself, anyway) to wait a day before reading it cover to cover.   As I was going thru, the little conversations I was having with the voices in my head about the ridiculous fashions, drama, andother Hollywood bullshit were cracking me up.  The best way to appreciate these magazines is with a friend (my BFFLMNOP and my mom are the best), but given that my only social outlet at the moment is laying on the couch moaning about feeling “not OK,” I’ve decided to blog about it…

My first stop is always the “who wore it best?” section. Where I was confronted with damn Karina Smirnoff wearing a feathered blazer as a dress.  You all should remember how much I despise her ridiculous ex, Mr. Lopez, and I get the same throw-up-in-my-mouth reaction when I see her now.  I used to think she was beautiful when I first saw her on Dancing with the Stars, and now I’d like to punch her in the face.  All because of him.  That man ruins everything he touches. 

Megan Fox has apparently been “forced to gain weight” for her new movie.  I didn’t see Transformers, so I really don’t know anything about this girl, but daaaaaaammmmnnnn.  She is gorgeous.  I want to be her. Or do her…I’m not sure which.

Helen Miren is the hottest 63 year old woman ever…

She puts Raquel Welsh to shame.

So Shannon Doherty has signed on for the new 90210 this fall.  I am so unbelievably excited about it.  I hope they flashback or something… That was my most favoritest show ever, and I don’t care if that makes me lame.

You can now get your picture on m&m’s.  I want them.  My mom got me a few bags of the personalized ones last year for my b-day…I got all pink and purple.  Some said “30 rocks!” and some said “Happy Birthday.”  I loved them, but I’d love some with my picture even more!!!

I hate Mariah Carey.  She almost makes me want to throw up as much as Mario Lopez. I have never liked her.

I have developed a crush on Zac Efron. Shit. How did this happen???

He’s a baby, Amanda. Get your shit together.

So, Lindsay Lohan’s a lesbian? At least for now, anyway?  I think this DJ Samantha whatever is pretty fugly, but hey…if she’s going to make Lindsay’s life a little less train wreck-esque, then more power to them.

But seriously…I’m not a Lindsay fan what so ever, but she is a pretty girl. If a girl is what she wants, I’m sure there are plenty of better looking girls out there willing to to satisfy her curiosity and be plastered on the pages of every magazine. Love is blind, I suppose…

~~~I interrupt this look into popular culture with a little tidbit from real life.  So, as I said…Boog is sick.  He’s laying on the couch watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (is is wrong that I still want to do Johnny Depp when he’s portraying Willy Wonka?) and just just said to me “Check out those chumpkins…they sure are small people!”  Chumpkins.  I like it.~~~

Alright…what’s up with Brad Pitt?  I’ve never been one of those people who swoons over the man, but he is damn hot.  I personally prefer the Fight Club Brad

andwould allow him to beat me up any day. I really feel like he’s let himself go since being with Angelina (who, coincidentally, I can’t stand). Especially lately. Every picture I see of him lately, he’s wearing this f’in hat:

And every time I see him in that stupid hat I think he looks like Don Konkey, the schizophrenic photographer on dirt.

So Britney Spears surrendered, and K-Fed got full custody.  Shocking.  I honestly like that girl, and hope she gets her shit together. And learns how to comb her hair.

I think I want a Dirt Devil Designer Series cordless vacuum.  I don’t know why, or where I’d put it, but I want one.  They’re so cute!  See???

What’s with gladiator sandals? Those things are fugly.

Carter Oosterhouse makes me giggle.  He’s cute and has the funniest last name ever.  Is it possible to say “Oosterhouse” without smiling? I dare you.

Some guy from General Hospital just had a baby boy and named him Peanut Kai.  Are you kidding me???? PEANUT??? When asked why he chose that name, he said “It puts a smile on everyone’s face.”  I doubt he’ll be smiling when he’s 17 years old and his name is fucking Peanut.  That’s just mean. 

I don’t watch the Hills, and part of the reason is that Audrina Patridge looks like she’s dead and i don’t like to watch shows starring walking, talking dead people.  Every picture I ever see of her she has the same annoying “I’m really dumb and have no idea what you’re talking about so I’m just going to sort of smile like this and maybe you won’t look into my eyes because when you do you’ll see that I have no soul” look on her face.

What the hell.  I just turned to page 87 and started to look at the “US Musts” to see if there was anything I “must” watch on TV this week.  My eyes were drawn toward the bottom of the page, which didn’t make sense because it was a blurb about Sunset Tan, which I refuse to watch.  Then I saw it.  “The group will work with Mario Lopez and Pauly Shore this season.”  Fucking Mario is everywhere.  Go away stupid man…go far far away. 

OK…I need to put down my magazine.  I am not getting ANY work done.  But I am having fun…which is more than I can say for every other day this week.


5 Responses

  1. i failed to mention to you that i also loathe mario lopez also. he is really conceited and too sure of himself. aaaaaaaaaaaah. i wish we were reading the magazine together.

  2. Um….90210, AGAIN?? At least it’s not the “Golden Girls Returns”, right. 🙂 (Michelle, that goes for you too!!!) 🙂

  3. whew, now I’m all caught up 😉

  4. Yea I saw that Helen Miren shot and was amazed. Almost enough to go jog 10 miles. Almost.

  5. I personally love the Legends of the Fall Brad Pitt.

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