Mario Lopez

Sucks

I was never a big fan of Kids Incorporated (K! I! D! S!…you’re welcome…now I’m not the only one with that stupid song stuck in my head), but when I did tune in, I hated him. 
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I was a loyal viewer of Saved By the Bell, and I didn’t like him when he was Slater  Tho, he did make for some very classic lines that my brother and I still use frequently (“In case you didn’t notice, Preppy, I am a Latino.”).
Mario Lopez

 Thankfully, I didn’t see much of Mr. Lopez for a few years after that…until I started seeing him on that weird talk show with Dick Clark and Danny Bonaduce.  I think it was called The Other Half and it was basically The View for men.  I’m not sure why I’m admitting that I tuned into that show, but I did.  In my defense, I’m pretty sure it was when I was at home with newborn Boog.  The postpartum hormones and incessant baby screaming must’ve affected my judgement. 

I got another break from Mario for a few years, until showed up on Dancing with the Stars
Mario Lopez and Karina Smirnoff...lucky woman...
I’ll give him credit…he’s a great dancer, especially in the Latin Dancing portion. But he’s Hispanic, so I think that kind of gives him an unfair advantage.  I think they cha-cha sraight out of the womb.  Great moves (and hot-ass partner) aside…he still sucked.  He’s so full of himself in a faux-humble kind of way, and whenever he smiled I wanted his partner to take off a stilleto and shove it in his f’in dimple.

Unfortunately, after his appearance on Dancing, Mario started being a fixture in the candid photos in US Weekly, People, and all the other smut mags I escape to when I need a break from reality.  It was such a letdown to turn the page and be confronted by Mario and his obnoxious dimple riding a jetski or frolicking on the beach.
Mario Lopez
Yes, he does have a fine-ass body. But something about him makes me want to vomit.

My next encounter with Mario was when I discovered the show America’s Best Dance Crew.  Great show…extremely talented dancers…unfortunate host.  
jabbawockeez win!!
For this one, Mario adopted a slightly more “street” style and started using some slang that didn’t seem natural. Which made me hate him more.

I haven’t seen that show for a few weeks, and I had actually forgotten all about Mario.  Thank God.  Then on this rainy-ass, crappy day I decided to find something to watch on TV with the kids other than Hannah Montana.  Scrolling thru the listings, I see Animal Planet’s Pet Star.  Oooh…a pet talent show!  This should be funny.  It was a commercial break when we tuned in, so I patiently waited (I’m not used to commercials…stupid DVR has me totally spoiled) and after the little jingle welcomed me back to the show, I was confronted with
Mario Lopez
He’s never going away, is he? 

 

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14 Responses

  1. “It looks like we’ve made it, cause we’re Kids IN-COR-POR-AAAAAA-ATED!!!”

    Gee, thanks for that one. Now it’s THAT instead of…. “If we were a movie…..blah, blah, blah, blah-blah, blah, blah”

    I need to go listen to some MAN music or go smear some grease on myself or something…..quick…. to the man-cave!

  2. ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!! OMG I LOVE you! I thought I was the only person on God’s green earth that feels this way. I can’t STAND that man! and NO I don’t think he’s ever going away…& I can’t figure out why. Just when you think he’s gone he POPS out out of no where just to taunt me…

  3. I really thought i was the only one that thought he was the most arrogant man on earth, the hot body is completely wasted on such a stupid ass of a man. And thanks for the flashback of kids incorporated that song will be stuck in my head for the rest of the day and my kids just looked at me crazy when i started singing it!

  4. i still can’t believe you hate mario lopez.

  5. Until I read this post, I hadn’t thought of him in years……but thank you so much for the nightmares I will have this evening.

    He.Is.Creepy.

    (Clicked on over from Tammy’s Blog.)

  6. I confess, I heart him. I want to lick his dimple, among other things.

    And wasn’t Fergie Ferg part of Kids Incorporated too??

  7. Now wait a damn minute! Slater was way cooler than Zack and he dated Jesse from Showgirls. He’s a stud and you know it. As for America Best Dance Crew, the other contestants should be glad he didn’t call screech,lisa,and kelly cause they would’ve whooped that ass. As for being arrogant, WHO WOULDN’T BE AFTER WORKING WITH> DANNY BONADUCE! I think the real problem here is that you LOVE mario and are just mad you couldn’t be his Jesse.

  8. OK…now I haven’t been making it a habit of replying to comments. Not because I don’t read them, or notice them, or care…I’m just too busy. 😉 But Adam’s recent comment has made me change my tune a bit and say…no, you WAIT A DAMN MINUTE.

    Adam, Slater was not cool. I’m willing to forgive you, just this once, because I view you somewhat as a “little brother,” and I understand you boys were young and easily influenced. Just because she starred in a topless, poorly reviewed (and justifiably so) movie, does not make “Jesse from Showgirls” cool. In fact, she sucks. Danny Bonaduce does suck (I swear on all that is cool…Mario Lopez NOT being one of those things), but Mr. Lopez was arrogant long before agreeing to co-host a lame-ass talk show with him and the king of wax statues, Dick Clark.

    However, I respect your opition and encourage you to keep on reading, my friend. 😉

    I am choosing to ignore your comment, Sarah, because you have already earned my respect in the hunt for nuthuggers and I won’t let a little lame-ass dimple loving get in my way. But to answer your question, yes…the Dutchess was also “Incorporated.” And I hate her too. 😉

  9. Hey, Kelley was, is, and always will be WAY hotter than “Mama” anyway. Come on… she made it on 90210. Preppy was the man and Slater just did that retarded side to side dance move that annoyed the shit out of me. Get your head checked Adam.

  10. Snoop Baby Babe…if you want to contine this allure of hotness, please refrain from sharing your knowledge on the specificities of Saved by the Bell dances and pet names. Mmmm kay?????

  11. Somebody has got to give me a break, and i’m not talkin bout a Kit Kat bar. These accusations are absolutely ridiculous that kelly and zac were cooler than jesse and slater. Zac and Kelly were always boo hooing about how they loved each other and couldn’t be together,pathetic. If Preppy wasn’t such a pimp maybe he could prevented kelly from moving to 90210 and shacking up with that Dylan guy. I wouldn’t say she was exactly glorified on that move and as for Zac didn’t he become some bum azz cop on nypd blue, what a winner hmm hmm i mean weiner. The truth is that the only cool thing to come from saved by the bell is indeed SLATER! MARIO MARIO MARIO MARIO MARIO MARIO

  12. i wonder if the kelly/zac and slater/mama war will ever end. seriously who remembers that slater called jessie mama?

  13. hhhhhmmmmm….. sounds like SOMEONE has a boy crush. Anything you want to get off your chest Adam?

  14. […] a feathered blazer as a dress.  You all should remember how much I despise her ridiculous ex, Mr. Lopez, and I get the same throw-up-in-my-mouth reaction when I see her now.  I used to think she was […]

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