Milking it…the Dramamama way

  1. Get a medium sized plastic mixing bowl to carry with you “in case you can’t make it to the bathroom.”
  2. Sit on couch holding bowl directly under chin.  Do not allow yourself to let go of bowl.  This is critical.
  3. Cough repeatedly, and spit in bowl. For maximum results, look at parents in peripheral vision while doing so.
  4. Frown, collapse on couch, and look at parents with puppy dog eyes while saying “But I think I’m gonna throw up.” Do this more often when asked to do things like open the door for the dogs, pick up the remote, or stop kicking your brother.
  5. Hold hand on forehead and insist that you are “feeling a little bit warm.”  Do not accept parents reassurance that you are not. If necessary, rub forehead vigorously to create false fever.
  6. Burp. A lot.
  7. Ask for dinner, insist you will eat it, then huff and puff and pout when it is given to you.  Do not eat a bite, even if it is your favorite food.
  8. Ask for ice cream following refusal of dinner.
  9. Smash yourself into your mother’s hip while sitting on the couch.
  10. Whine.  A lot.
  11. Beg your mother to send text messages to everyone she knows to tell them “your daughter isn’t feeling so good today.”
  12. Repeat as needed until people wait on you hand and foot.

I can’t take it much more.  I might kill someone.  Good thing Snoop “had” to go pick up something for his motorcycle, cause it probably would be him.  Not because he did anything to deserve it.  Just because I’m grumpy, and not a big fan of killing kids. 


13.  When your parents aren’t looking, said puke bowl can also double as a hat.



2 Responses

  1. Hey, I dealt with this all day and it wasn’t so bad. The bowl idea was mine, because I was tired of cleaning puke off the carpet. I think she just hams it up for you. She was pretty sick all day, but not whinny or needy like this post describes. Geez…I was only ran to Advanced Auto Parts and was gone a total of 40 minutes.
    If this place is still going to be a possible killing zone even after the kids go to bed I’ll be spedning the rest of the night in the garage with my motorcycle. i WAS going to wait until the morning to work on it, but this blog may have changes my mind. hahaha

  2. LMAO, lovin’ the hat Dramamama….

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