Dear Purina,

I’d like to write to say thank you for providing a “weight management” formula dog food that is within my current budget.  Given the cost of feeding the menagerie within my house, it is nice to not have to shell out $1 per pound for canine nutrition.  However, I fear that I may have to take my business elsewhere, because while your diet food is affordable…it doesn’t seem to work.  My dog is still quite fat.  Yes, I realize he sneaks food from Skinny Dog whenever possible, and uses his giant paws to swipe every crumb of food from the counter to devour while I am at work, but perhaps this is because your diet variety dog food is not satisfying.  Perhaps adding more protein to the food would help satisfy his need to eat everything in sight.  Which leads me to my next concern…

My dogs won’t stop eating cat poop.  Again I feel as though this is an indication that they are not fully satisfied with their daily diet.  (of course this is the reason…my dogs are civilized dogs and therefor would not eat cat feces unless nutritionally necessary) Now, I’ve taken it upon myself to do some preliminary research, and I found this little bit of information.  I found this on the very informative site “The scoop on poop”, and as we all know…if you read it on the Internet, it must be true. 

“Another reason that animals such as dogs and flies eat poop is that poop contains a certain amount of protein. Dogs are particularly fond of cat poop because cat poop is high in protein.”

I believe if you add this important protein to your line of canine delights, you would have little difficulty marketing the new product to individuals like myself, who are tired of being licked by a dog with cat-shit breath. If you would like a spokesperson for this new high-protein super duper diet dog food, I would be more than willing to negotiate.  Have your people call my people.  And by my people…I mean me.


3 Responses

  1. I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you.

    Peter Quinn

  2. I like how you call the big guy “fat dog”, but the other one shouldn’t be “skinny dog”. It should be whinny, antsy, anxious, or pain in my ass dog. Something more along those lines.

    Oh, and I’ll just take your word on the subject of cat shit protien. I think I’ll just stick to protien powder, bars, and chicken breasts though. I’ll leave the other stuff for the pups.

  3. You’re right … most dogs suffer from malnutrition after eating (any brand) weight loss kibble over a long time. When will people realize dogs aren’t intended to eat people’s leftover grains? Good go.

    Dogs Naturally

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